My hair

I've always kinda been known for my hair. I get a lot of compliments, it's thick so people comment on it, and I couldn't have loved it more for my wedding. Today I lost so much hair. I washed this morning and it came out in handfuls. I had to set the handful on the edge of the bathtub each time I ran my hands through it to wash. I left the towel on until the very last minute. I applied makeup first and dressed first so that I could at least feel somewhat pretty. But then I had to blow dry it. The towel was full of hair and when I dried it, each time I brushed it, I had to clean out the brush. I'm not kidding. Then I went to work and started bawling. Geez. Luckily everyone is very understanding. My sister cut it very short for me and it's only a matter of days until I am completely bald. Either it will all fall out or I will have to shave it. I just can't shave it. Emotionally I can't. I'm not ready. I was so hoping for only a normal head of hair and that mine would just thin. But I'm not going to be so lucky. With each handful of hair I throw away, I am telling myself that it's cancer that I am throwing away. Maybe that will help. I guess I'll go downstairs and get those wigs Tracy gave me. I was hoping to be able to hide them in the closet and never use them. And Tracy, don't think I won't wear that hat! I will. I am shedding worse than my cats. They have my hair on them! Weird. I just can't seem to stop complaining about it. This is the hardest side effect yet.

At least I slept last night.

I am thankful for understanding co-workers who don't mind a few tears (ok, more than a few). I am also thankful that my sister is a cosmetologist and is there to go through this with me.