Tuesday, March 8, 2011

In memory of Tracy

My friend Tracy Harnly has gone to heaven. She has become an angel to look over all of us, especially those with cancer. Tracy fought her battle for almost 6 years. She lived like each day was truly her last. I miss my friend. I am happy she's not suffering any longer. I wish a cure would have been found. I guess I was naive in thinking she wouldn't pass away. I really thought she'd fight forever or there would be a cure found.

I remember being at the oncologist office with Tracy when the medicine Herceptin stopped working for her. She had been taking Herceptin for 4 years but the cancer broke through and started to spread. That day, she said to me, "Just so it doesn't go to my brain." She had said one of her friends had lived only a year after stopping Herceptin. I cried that day as I hugged her. She asked me, "why are you crying." I just said I don't know, because I'm scared for you...or something like that. I was such a mess the rest of the day. As I got treatments, a couple nurses checked on me when they saw me crying. They knew why I was crying. Those nurses got to see the bond Tracy and I had. They got to see the blonde's sitting there with needles in their chest, getting poison pumped into their veins, and laughing through it all. That's what the Tracy's did when they fought cancer together.

Today,everything reminds me of Tracy. A jeep, a certain song, when I'm challenged, when I'm called "the other Tracy." Rest in peace Tracy!


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Just thinking

I'm really struggling with this whole cancer thing. One of my best friends dad just passed away of cancer. I can't even imagine losing my dad or either parent. As you know, a close friend of mine continues to fight her battle with breast cancer. While another friend fights the same battle. Nasty cancer that is trying to take over the body. And she is having trouble getting her chemo med. Another friend just had a bunch of pre-cancerous cells taken out of her colon. Really?!?!

Cancer is everywhere. It's hides in our shadows, it sneaks up behind us, and it threatens those we love and care about. It needs to stop. We need a cure. I'm so sad of hearing another person has been diagnosed or lost his/her battle. Is it the food we eat? Is it the water we drink? Is it the cleaner we wash with? What the H is it? I want to know.

Just because I'm done with treatments doesn't mean I'm done with cancer. The other day a nurse considered me to have "a history of breast cancer." It doesn't seem like history. But I guess I don't have it now. But I worry about it coming back. I don't use perfumes, dyes or chemicals when I have the choice. I read all about how to prevent cancer. I exercise 5-6 days a week to stay healthy. I try to lose weight to prevent cancer. My mind struggles to formulate sentences or remember at times because of treatments. Traumatic flashbacks occur when someone says something specific. Cracked skin poses a risk for lymphodema. The scars on my chest are a constant reminder. The tattoos will always be there from radiation. Cancer doesn't stop with treatments people.

I am thankful for my early diagnosis.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

too long

Sorry that I haven't blogged since June! Wow, I didn't realize I was that big of a slacker. I had a follow up visit with Dr. Langdon on Monday and it was fine. We are fighting with the insurance company to pay for a MRI. People are worried about the government running their life..what about insurance companies? Anyway, no time for that soap box.

I've been feeling good. We raised over $8000 for relay and that was awesome! It was a terribly humid night. But as we know, cancer doesn't stop for weather and we won't stop fighting either!

I was trained today to be a speaker for Susan G. Komen. What an honor! They are such a great organization. I am also speaking at the DHHS breast cancer luncheon on 10-28-10. That will be exactly 2 years since my diagnosis. That is hard to believe.

Today for about one second I thought to myself that life is so stressful right now. We are trying to sell our house, I'm a wedding coordinator at our church and have taken on 2 weddings this weekend, it's Daryl's b-day tomorrow. But about a second of thinking of this as stressful, I thought, how lucky am I to have this stress. I'm alive and less than two years ago, cancer was my stress, none of this other stuff mattered (except Daryl's birthday of course!) But I'm lucky to have these things in my life and have them to worry about. And not worry about cancer.

I usually worry about my friend Tracy. I even dream about that girl! In my dreams, she doesn't have cancer though. I wish that dream would come true.

I am thankful that I have stress in my life that I have control over. I am also thankful for my wonderful doctors.