I realized today that I have been trying very hard to live normally with my diagnosis. But then I had to accept it, I have cancer. I can't brush my teeth normally b/c the toothbrush cuts my gums, each time I run my hand through my hair, I get a handful of hair, my eye sight is blurred, my nose bleeds each day, I'm tired, I can't eat too much or too little, I can't eat hard things that will cut up my mouth (like croutons) because then if I drink something carbonated, my mouth and throat burn, and I love my diet coke!, I'm tired, I have some acne, I have to catch my breath after going up 4 flights of stairs, I need to apply chapstick frequently otherwise my lips chap and that turns into a soar, I smell the medicine in me and coming out of me, I have to be on antibiotics, my white blood cell count is so very low and my new white blood cells, well, there really aren't any forming right now so I have close to no immune system, my hemoglobin and platelets are low, and all I really want to do is crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep because sleep isn't that great these days either. And all of this is so that I will beat cancer and live. This isn't living, this is preventing death. Can you tell I am having a bad day?
I am thankful for a great boss who would give me white blood cells if she could and for my sister who has offered her blood if I need it. Also to Daryl who said he wishes he was losing his hair instead of me.
Monday, December 8, 2008
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3 comments:
Hey Sugar!
I hate cancer too! I think only one of us should have had to get it, and I already had it!
I would take yours too if that is how it worked!
I don't want you to be sick and hairless (oh wait, not hairless, you will still have to shave your legs! Where is the humanity?!) BUT...don't forget that hat I dropped off, you KNOW it ROCKS! xo!
-Miss Cancer Pants, Sr.
Yes, I wish I was losing my hair instead of you. But then again, have you seen my hair on some days? I'm sure there are others who would agree. :) Your hair is one of your most noticeable qualities, but it isn't your best. It's not even in your top 10.
Every day that goes by in which you smile and share a laugh with a friend is a win over cancer.
And it's one step closer to when things can return to normal.
I have a few pints to give too if you ever need it! I have such good blood that when I donate they call and call and call me to come back and give more. All that juicy sweet-ass blood could be YOURS! Heh. And don't feel crappy about having a crappy day. You can't be upbeat all the damn time.
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