Monday, February 16, 2009

Round 5 done

For some reason, I have been dreading this round of chemo. I am not quite sure why. I dread feeling sick for three days this week and being tired for the whole week. Today, the first thing I did at my visit was get weighed in and OMG! I have put on 20lbs. It feels terrible. I've let this cancer thing, which we all know is more than a thing, but I have really let it play some mental games with me. It's so scary to have cancer. I haven't worked out because I've been afraid of getting worn out and sick and not being able to work as hard as I usually do. So now, I have a belly! And my pants are tight. But, my cancer is going away and I can lose the weight later. It's not that I've been pigging out but I haven't eaten the healthiest, I'm on steroids and I haven't worked out. I guess part of me reminds myself that I'm still pretty knew to this cancer life altering event. It's not just that I was diagnosed with cancer. But I had only been married for a month and I've waited so long to have a baby and now I can't (for how long we don't know) and I missed my honeymoon....all in about 5 months. Plus, only 2 months before that I moved into Daryl's home and changed jobs. So, I guess it's no wonder I'm so damn tired. I was talking with my mom the other day on the phone and she could tell I was out of breath just walking around the house. I was in my boss's office talking with her while standing up and I was loosing my breath. I'm moderately anemic. I don't know if I'm just complaining here or just trying to justify my feelings. I don't think I'm dwelling on all of this. I think I'm just trying to learn how to deal with it all. Ice cream only takes me so far...a few inches around the waist. :) I guess the good news is is that I only have one more round of chemo. Before that round I have to have a MUGA. I don't know what all the letters stand for (I asked once and it's just too big) but basically it is a test where they take out some of my blood, put some radio active dye in it and put it back in. Then they take pictures of my heart to make sure it's functioning ok. There are risks with the medication I take so they need to check it about every three months.

I am thankful that I have so many people reading this and caring!

1 comment:

Cheryl said...

Hang in there, Tracy. We're all pulling for you. And the steroids are nasty stuff! They make you eat. The weight will be easier to manage when you get past the steroids.