Sunday, January 4, 2009

Doing better

I seem to be doing better today, with the hormones and sadness. There are three medicines that get put into my body by IV when I do chemo. They are Herceptin, Carboplatin, and Docetaxel Plus I take a steroid the day before, day of, and day after. I'm going into an early menopause due to the meds. I also take 2 different kinds of anti nausea meds as well as an antibiotic. And just a FYI, because this blows my mind, the Herceptin costs around $8,000, the Carbo around $361 and the Docetaxel around $5000. Yes, those are American dollars :) Chemo runs around $15,000 a session. But what I was getting at with the meds is that my hormones/body might act up more that last week (the week before chemo) because it's tired, working very hard to rebuild cells, and also, most of the medicine has left my body. Some stays behind, therefore, accumulating with each chemo session. March 9th will be the last time (that's the plan) that I will take all three meds but I will continue to take the Herceptin for a whole year. It's fights off the Her2Neu receptor I have. I might have told you all this before but my memory is going so you're hearing it again. By the way, they call it "chemo brain" .... I can't remember crap. I guess my whole point of today's blog is that I will talk with the doctor tomorrow about why I'm so sad and what I can do about it. I know that there's meditation and yoga and this and that but we'll see. What I've learned this week is that just because you are diagnosed with a disease..whether it be cancer or heart disease, you don't just stop in your tracks and say, "Ok, today I am going to change my whole life and do ever thing right, eat healthier, stop drinking alcohol, exercise more..." blah blah blah. The reality is is that you are hit with probably the most shocking news of your life and you have to figure out how to live not how not to live. (Wow, how poetic). Changes will come later. Right now, I'm fatigued and tired, so I sure as heck don't feel like working out for an hour after 8 hours of work then come home and grill a healthy chicken breast with a baked potato and green beans (unless it's a frozen meal). Right now, I'm gonna make a milk shake with some fruit and ice cream and milk and sit on the couch and eat it. Change will come but for me, it's only been 2.5 months of learning how to live.

I am thankful for not having co-pays on those medicines I mentioned above. And also, I am thankful for all my friends and family understanding, or at least trying to understand, what I am going through.


Tracy said...

Let's look into a yoga class that we can do together. I could use some centering too! And I know this lady that gives great massages and can also balance your energy!
Thank goodness for medical insurance. I thought I was low maintenance, and then I looked at my medical bills, and I am expensive!!! You too, Sistah!
I was on such a tangent that I can't remember what I was going to comment on here. ugh! sorry you are sad! I love you!

Tracy said...

Oh, I went back and read your blog and now I remember! Your last chemo is the same week as my 4 year survivorship anniversary! PARTY?!?!