Thursday, September 10, 2009

Normally I would....

I'm learning quickly that there is no more "normal" in my life. I'm learning that I am creating a new normal. Monday I start Rehab. You know, I've never tried illegal, I've never even smoked marijuana. I smoked cigarettes for about ten years. I drank A LOT of alcohol in my younger days. I'm not saying that because I am proud. I've been over weight. I've tried many diets and diet pills. I've eaten like food mainly. And in the past 9 years, I've quit smoking, lost weight the healthy way by exercise. I've tried to treat others as I would want to be treated. Of course I still am not a morning person. But I have been striving for happiness for a long time. The day I met Daryl, I knew I would marry him. We balance each other so well. And now, after finding happiness within myself and with my soul mate, I will start rehab for cancer. And that is a good thing because you can't start rehab unless you're done with treatment. Being done with treatment means I'm cancer free. But the thing is, just because the cancer is gone, doesn't mean that you go back to being the person you were before treatment. The cancer leaves, the treatment ends, and there you stand. It's like a jet plane picked me up, whisked me into the middle of the desert and dropped me off. I go toward the water only to realize it's an oasis. Just like me thinking that just because I am done with treatment, I can go run 3 miles like it was nobody's business. And we know that doing that cost me a night in the hospital. I guess what I am trying to say is that rehab is needed for cancer patients. Life changes after all the chemo, surgeries, and radiation. The hormones. The weak systems within my body. Wear gloves to avoid chemicals and don't drink bottled water because of the plastic. Eat that, and don't lift this. No blood pressure or shots on my right arm due to risk lymphedema. You can't give blood. Can I donate organs if I die? And the million dollar question........who does your hair? Really, I was asked that the other day in the grocery store. Don't get me wrong, I was flattered. But how the H do I answer? My oncologist? I was honest and told the ladies that I had chemo and my hair is growing back. They just thought it looks so healthy. Which it is. Not a highlight, color, or flat iron used. Rehab starts Monday. Before then, I will be posting a poem I've been writing.

I am thankful for the chance to attend rehab.

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