Thursday, March 26, 2009

Living life in intervals

I can't believe it's been 5 months since I was diagnosed (the 28th it will be). I realize that I've been living my life in intervals due to chemo. The first four weeks were filled with doctor visits, tests, and more tests. Once chemo started, I knew I had 3 more weeks til the next one. With each chemo round, I felt worse. But I knew I would feel better the next week. So for two weeks, I did "normal" things, but mainly was still on the couch. I kinda feel like I coasted. Not that it was easy but I literally took each day as it came. I am finding that difficult right now. My intervals are gone. Now, things happen more randomly. Monday I have a MUGA and find out if my heart is strong enough to do Herceptin. If yes, then I coordinate with my friend Tracy so we can do it together. If not, then I wait a week and still coordinate it with my friend Tracy so we can do it together. After that, surgery. That's a biggy. I find myself losing sleep and thinking about the what if's. I told myself when I was diagnosed that I don't ever want to be caught off guard like that again. So, I am trying to prepare myself for all possible outcomes. That's not easy. So then I try to remind myself to just take things one day at a time. Of course, that's not easy either.

Monday I was put on a diuretic due to water retention. All along I thought my ankles and feet were just getting fat. Nope, it was water. I'll tell you what, I like the weight that I've lost since Monday. I can actually button my pants again! Just so you know, even my fat pants are tight. Geesh!

We celebrated my mom's birthday on Tuesday. It was really nice being with family. I was Brooklynn's favorite person, which made me feel good. Don't get me wrong, she kept her mom in eye sight but apparently I must have had some birthday cake on my finger because she sucked on it for a very long time. Long enough to drool all over my hand and onto my pants. Oh yeah, and she sucked on my sweater sleeve. Do you think she is teething? She is so smart. And she's already rolling over, holding her head up and getting mad b/c she's not strong enough to do a push up. Too funny!

I am thankful for my family.

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