Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Life stands still

When you are diagnosed with cancer, it seems that your life stands still while everyone else's goes forward. I have been doing some thinking about the past year and just can't believe it's been a year since my first round of chemo. A year since those words "you have cancer" were said to me. A year since Dr. Langdon and Dr. Reilley told me the cancer hadn't spread. A year since Daryl and I sat and listened to every word that nurse told us that first day of chemo. We were there for many hours. I ate a sub sandwich, drank Cranberry Juice and ate some crackers. Daryl had gone over to Target. It got dark early. It had been a week since my port was put in and lymph nodes were taken out. It was a year ago that I went into auto pilot. I went through the motions to save my life.

Now, I need to find my new normal. My group has helped by providing tools. But I'll be honest, recurrence scares the living daylights out of me. I've accepted my new, short hair style. I've accepted that I won't lose all the weight before I go to Hawaii. I've accepted that my breast is harder, darker in color and higher, once a home for cancer. And these are just some of the physical things. I don't really know where to begin with the mental/emotional changes that have taken place. I have the strength within me to fight, I know that. But what is hard is the unknowing. (I don't know if that's a word but I'm using it). I guess I just take each day as it comes along.

On a much more positive note....Daryl and I are leaving for Hawaii in 30 days!!!! Finally, a much awaited and deserved honeymoon! Whoo Hoo!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for this year that I'll just sum it all up with I am thankful being surrounded by so many loved ones and the opportunity to share my life with them.

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